godnix (greyfeld) wrote,

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Hey, it's My journal — I can say nothing in it if I want

Rule Number One:

The silliest place to have writer's block is in a furschlugginer JOURNAL. My space. My words. The whole point is that if there's an audience, they're interested in what I have to say or they wouldn't be reading it. So, Bugger Off, Writersblock Demon, I don't need you to hassle me first thing in the morning.

There. That feels much better.

Anyway, I haven't had my coffee yet, so I have every excuse to be incoherent. Literary archaeologists of the future will love me for moments like this, assuming that (a) the planet has a future and (b) I eventually get the lasting fame that I deserve. Yep, you heard it here, Literary Historian of the Future. I'm arrogant enough to think I deserve lasting fame, and the fact that YOU are reading this proves that I was right. So there.

Woke up this morning having been reminded, by someone I tried to make an appointment with (yesterday) for today, that today, Thursday, is officially my Day Off. Noticed that as I rolled out of bed, with only one thing officially on my docket for the morning (and a meeting in the evening, but oh well), I felt good. Now did I feel good because I had nothing to do? Hardly. I mean, there's a ton of things I can do with my time today. Thing is, I don't HAVE to do most of them, and the thing that makes for the feel-good sensation is knowing what I expect of myself for the day. Uncertainty, while philosophically worth getting used to, is an emotional drain on the quotidian existence. Hence we settle for routines of more or less expected activity; it feels better than, say, actually doing something we've never done before, facing an issue that has to be addressed (unless we know beforehand HOW we intend to address it) or dealing with any of the host of unanswered questions or problems that surround us.

The care of souls is never routine, nor is the care of bodies or of minds; but professionals (!) in all of these areas -- clergy, medical people, teachers -- immerse themselves (ourselves) in routines and rituals of all sorts, In this way caregiving occupations, which have the potential to be the most exciting and rewarding, become among the deadliest. Funny how all that works.


Tags: journal

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